the weight of my words

I wrote this last year, and still find myself struggling in this. I've gotten better, but it can still be  a struggle. So I'm posting it here as a reminder to myself, maybe you need it to.

I've realized something ugly about myself lately. My words don't carry as much weight as I want them to. Maybe they never have, but it's something I'm really feeling convicted about.

I've been terrible at keeping my word to my kids... and that leaves a big lump in my throat just to type it out loud, but it's true. I've caught myself offering them an activity or reward to calm them down or to get my desired result and then I don't follow through. I don't play with play dough. I don't read that book again. I don't take them outside. Now I'm not sitting there lying on purpose, I get distracted with the baby, someone gets hurt, but also... I'm just not thinking about my words, I'm not committing to what I say... and I don't like it and I don't want to do it any more.

This isn't about doing all the things... and this isn't about saying yes more. I know that is a popular sentiment right now... Don't be the no mom, say yes to all the good things. I mean yeah, I would love to say yes to everything and do each good thing they want, not in a spoiled way, but in a if I could be in three places at once way.... I totally would, but I can't.

It hasn't been an issue with just my kids either. It's commitments to my husband. To my friends. To myself. There is so much grace there, however. My husband has heard me say SO many times, that I'm going to clean all the rooms and plan all the meals, bathe the kids, and get June Cleaver all up in this place... poor June. How the hell did you stand with all that weight on your shoulders? Point being... it rarely happens like I plan, and my husband legitimately never cares. The only one putting that on me, is me. This is not a gender role house... this is just a house where I am a stay at home Mom, and my husband works, and the rest of our life just gets doled out according to our strengths.

Either way, I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. I want my words to have weight to them, and I want people to expect what I tell them to.

I really think it's okay that you can't always say yes, but for me... this is about saying yes and meaning it, saying no and meaning it, and doing exactly what I say I will... and nothing less than that.
If I screw it up, grace covers that, but I want to try much harder to be true to my words... all of them. If I'm not sure? Then I'm going to say I'm not sure.

So here is what I'm going to be working on...

I won't promise anything that I'm not sure I can fulfill.
I won't say yes if I can't do it well because I don't want to do it. (Sometimes you have to suck it up, other times you can't and occasionally you just shouldn't.)
If I say yes, and I don't follow through... I will own up to it and follow through as soon as possible.
I will say no, and then I won't change my answer.
I will think about how my answers effect my family and myself.
I will reserve the word 'promise' for love and things that circumstances cannot change.

How do you keep your word?

1 comment:

  1. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and it is so encouraging to know I am not alone at this. The whole saying I'll do things and not follow through. Thank you for being brave to write these words.


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